Summer Summer Summer
Well, I know my voice has been missing for a while and I have absolutely no excuse except to say it’s Summer !
I decided it was time to put some more interviews up and got it together and optimized four interviews from the archives. You can now listen to Marianne Williamson, Arnold Mindell, Barbara Brennan and Norma Milanovitch.
Enjoy !
The Judging of Judgement
I had an epiphany last night. God/Goddess knows I was due for one. It turns out, I’ve been learning the same lesson over and over and over since my birth, and I still hadn’t gotten a clear understanding of it. The lesson was judgment, and all it’s nasty little perversions. If you think about it, even the previous statement was a judgement. The judging of judgement to be precise.
I realized last night, that I spend an inordinate amount of time putting out fires and trying to placate people, groups, society as a whole and most of all myself. I do this, because I am afraid of what their judgement will be if I don’t.
I’ve also been looking at mirrors for quite some time now, and as they reflect back to us how we appear, they often catch my attention. You notice I say they reflect back to us, how we appear. I’m beginning to understand how insidious the world of appearances really is. It’s like some all pervasive dis-ease. If we don’t appear a certain way, don’t live up to social standards, personal agendas or preferences, then we are judged. When it comes to judgement, I always come out the short end of the equation. It wasn’t until last night, that I realized it’s a flawed system that’s set up to end that way… for everyone.
I started looking at when it all started for me, and those echoed reflections of my parents began to bubble up to the surface of this poisonous brew. “You’re too fat, You’re too slow, You talk to much, You’re a weird little kid, You’re nothing but trouble.” progressed to “I never wanted to have kids, I just had them to please your Mother” this last one from my Father contained the unspoken, I’d be just as happy, if not happier if you’d never been born.
“I believe some woman deserve to be beaten” this also from my pontificating Father. “You’re always sick, you’re such a pain in the ass, you don’t look like us, talk like us, think like us, you don’t belong here” and on and on and on. I was drowning in judgements and going down for the third time.
The most recent mirrors, in the form of other people and my request to Spirit to help me break this pattern, finally brought it all to a head. I’d written an article on mirrors quite some time ago, and understood the principal behind looking beneath the skirt of appearances, to see what the bigger picture and deeper lesson was. The reflection finally came clear, and I realized my own life was being mirrored back to me by an image on a Tarot card, The 8 of Swords.
In this imagery, a woman or person is show blindfolded and bound within a circle of 8 swords. If the image is rendered correctly in the tarot deck you’re looking at, then the bindings should be loose enough for them to remove by themselves. Once the bindings are removed they’ll be able to remove the blindfold. Once the blindfold is removed they’ll see the circle of swords has a large gap or gaps, enabling them to leave the circle or apparent trap. With this expansion of sight will come the realization they were never trapped to begin with, they only thought they were. This imagery was meant to portray how fear, judgement, and limited perception can leave us feeling trapped and hopeless, but by expanding our perception and removing the ties that bind, we’ll see the trap was self-made.
A friend of mine had one of the dearest expressions whenever he fell into this trap. I’d call him up to ask how he was, and he’d say “I’m shoulding all over myself.” He believed that when we tell ourselves you should do this, or you should do that, we’re passing judgement on ourselves and engaging in a form of self-abuse. He’s right.
My most recent judgements were many. They came from my internalized parental and societal voice, my own ego and from the people currently in my life.
In no order of significance they were:
It’s a crime to be poor
You’re a criminal if you owe money
You’re fat, therefore you don’t deserve to be treated with respect or decency
You’re not allowed to be ill, fat, financially destitute or have any unresolved issues if you are walking a Spiritual path
You have nothing to offer or teach if you are fat, ill, financially destitute or have any unresolved issues.
You are not allowed to have boundaries and be part of a Spiritual community
You are not allowed to feel or express any seemingly negative emotion and be part of a Spiritual community.
You have to eat only what we say you can eat, if you are going to call yourself Spiritual. If you don’t, we might not actually say it out loud, but we’ll certainly let you know by our looks and uncomfortable silences that we are judging your level of Spirituality.
Your Spiritual path is not as enlightened as my Spiritual path.
Whew!
And that’s not even all of them, that’s just the ones in the forefront at this moment in time. I started to wonder just when I’d convinced myself I had to mimic a pretzel. I kept seeing the 8 of swords and realized I’d allowed this to happen. With that moment of clarity, I knew what I had to do to let myself out of the trap, and I did it. I’ve spent the entire day legalizing freedom and experiencing a joy I’d damn near forgotten. It was reflected back to me by the card I’d pulled from the Ascended Masters deck, The Power of Joy.
I kept going back to the lines in the definition that read, “The power of joy reminds us that we needn’t suffer at all.” It also reminded me to find the humor in the situation. That was pretty easy for me, and I often found delight in irony. Being on the receiving end of many coyote lessons, I’d learned long ago to laugh at myself when my drama became ludicrous.
Instead of completely retreating as I had in the past, I established some boundaries. Yes, I was allowed to be part of a Spiritual world and Spiritual community and walk my path, in my own time, in my own way. I pulled a card from Louise Hay’s Power Thought cards. “I am willing to let go”, read the front of the card.
“I release others to experience whatever is meaningful to
them, and I am free to create that which is meaningful to me.” read the back of the card.
Well that certainly fit with my new outlook of legalizing freedom. I thought about the people who were currently playing the role of mirrors for me, and how they were mirroring the beliefs I held that I wasn’t allowed to be myself, and that who I was would never be accepted by anyone, even in a Spiritual community that supposedly believed in unconditional love.
As I thought about this I pulled a card from the Mayan Oracle and laughed out loud when I pulled Etznab the card of mirrors.
The shadow wisdom of Etznab stated “In the mirrored shadow of Etznab, you may feel confused or lost, in the reflections of your apparent problems: self-doubt, fear, judgment, emotional issues — in short, the myriad faces of illusion. Honestly ask yourself how you support the illusions in your life. you are being given the sword of discrimination. Look into your life’s mirrors and cut away all that is unclear.
Have the shadowy reflections of your mirror begun to appear so real that you think they have power over your ability to change your experience? Face the shadows in your smoky mirror. Clearly see their reflections and gain their insights and wisdom. What appears in this mirror always reveals the teachings most needed for your growth and unfoldment.
In you feel helplessly caught in the maze of mind, imagine yourself sitting in the center of Etznab. Ask for wisdom. With clarity, cut through the maze of mind and recognize the truth. Befriend your mind. Open to your Essence Self, which can see problems and shadows as gifts of spiritual understanding.
Also look at the mirrors provided by other people, in order to see how you contribute to and maintain the illusions in your life. If you have strong reaction to someone or something, look with awareness at your judgements, resentments, and charged reactions. See the gifts in this magical mirror. Be willing to truly see, forgive, and transform.
Well this certainly started with mirrors so it’s seemed rather fitting that it ended with them as well.
I looked at the misconceptions that appeared to be running rampant in the new age and Spiritual communities, as well as within myself. These were the beliefs that you had to be perfect, or had to have somehow transcended all of your earthly issues, lessons and challenges before you were considered an acceptable teacher or healer. This one had always pushed my buttons. Part of me knew, intuitively that I was meant to share what I was learning with other like minded people on the path. Part of me insisted I had nothing of value to share, after all look how flawed I was.
I reached for the Angel Therapy Oracle cards. I drew the card ‘If You Get Nervous, Focus on Service’. 
The first thing it said in the definition was “You drew this card because you’ve been called into Spiritual service, either as a healer or a teacher. The thought of conducting public Spiritual work may trigger nervousness. Don’t worry, though — this anxiety has no bearing on your readiness for service. It’s simply the ego wrestling to gain control through fear.”
It then went on to say, “So while the ego wants to concentrate on ‘I’ worries — such as, ‘What if I can’t do this?’ or ‘What if they don’t like me?’ — the higher self is completely focused on lovingly giving service. Your higher self is 100 percent psychic and is tapped into the Divine healing energy. To operate out of your higher self, focus on blessing–instead of impressing–others.”
“Begin each session or seminar by opening your heart to loving everyone involved, and ask the question How may I serve you? to put your higher self in charge.”
I didn’t realize how much I needed, no craved, Angelic confirmation until I pulled this card. I began to cry. Mixed in with the tears of loneliness and grief were tears of joy at once again being filled with a sense of freedom. Freedom to be myself.
I next picked up the Healing with the Fairies Oracle and pulled a card from the deck. It was the ‘Awakening Your True Self ‘, card. ” As if a cloud has lifted from your mind and heart, you’re beginning to see life from the persepective of your old self. You just went through a period where you gave up who you are to please another person. You buried your interests, ignored your friends, and tried to fit in to another person’s lifestyle.
Now your old self is emerging. You’re back ! As you recover your authentic self, your life and your personality are going through big changes. Hold tight, and allow these changes to occur. The fairies ask you to trust that the parts of your life and personality that are falling away, are inauthentic and false. Know that you’re building a solid foundation of truth, and that everything is working out perfectly right now.”
Well so much for turning myself into a pretzel any longer to please other people. And no more berating myself for being who I am. ME
Wow, the cards were really zinging me today. Everything I had realized with this wonderful epiphany was being reflected and confirmed back at me through the oracles.
I wondered about the changes I was making with the boundaries I had drawn. I had withdrawn my membership from a local Spiritual group but had not withdrawn my connection to the people I felt a deep Spiritual bond to. I pulled another card, this time from the Archangel Oracle cards. The beauty of the response took my breath away. I had pulled the card ‘Divine Order’
It read, ” A win-win situation is brewing, one with solutions that are fair to everyone involved. This requires you to have blind faith that Heaven is working behind the scenes to extract the highest good for all. Ask me to buoy your faith if it wavers. Use positive affirmations and prayers to keep your spirits high. Above all, make sure that your conversations about this situation involve positive and optimistic words and phrases. You’re so powerful that your positive thoughts can speed the resolution along even quicker.”
Ok, I could do that. With all the feedback lining up the way it was, and this deep reverberating sensation of joy, having faith that things were perfect no matter what appearances they gave wasn’t a problem for me at the moment.
I reached for the Inner Child oracle and pulled the 3 of swords. In traditional Tarot cards this card usually signified an emotional triangle between three people. In this 
deck the triangle portrayed a deeper lesson. Loss of self-love. It teaches about what happens when heart and mind have lost the connection with one another. It embraces reuniting the heart and crown chakras so that harmony can be found once more.
The triangle is the trinity of Spirit, Heart and Body and the girl in the image is learning how to play with and blend these three aspects of human existence. This was exactly what I was feeling. I kept craving a sense of balance within myself, a raw hunger for harmony, joy and peace. I had recently had a conversation with someone I hold dear to my heart about knowing something with the mind verses knowing something deep within the heart. I was learning to connect the two to gain wisdom. I was learning the difference between discernment and judgment and I was learning how my self-doubt and self-worth issues prevented this from happening. It also suggested utilizing music to heal, calm and balance or sooth the mind.
My final card came from the Power Animal oracle. I had pulled the ‘Wolf ‘. In this deck, Wolf was the Guardian. “You are protected at all times. Trust that! The physical, emotional, and psychic barriers you’ve erected to protect yourself from past hurts and wounds are simply no longer needed. You’ve moved beyond your need for the illusion of safety that these habitual defenses have provided. It’s time to trust that Spirit is always available to aid in your protection when you
really need it.
Relaxing these barriers, and knowing that they’re accessible if you really need them, leaves you open to love, both giving and receiving– especially to the ones you’re closest to. Don’t hold back. Be outrageous in expressing your affection for those you love, and know that your family ultimately extends beyond any lines drawn by heredity, race or species. All of us beings on this planet are family–whether human, animal or plant–and the more you love, the more love finds you. Take good care!
I was finally beginning to understand this. Being alienated from my hereditary family had been painful, but the new connections I had made felt so familiar to me, so very much like family or very old, very dear friends, that I was filled with a loving joy whenever I thought of them.
The plants in the garden, the birds at my feeder, my wondrous dog and two cats, all had been evoking these emotions from me lately and it was divine. Best of all, I felt safe with them, protected, unconditionally loved, and most definitely not judged.
Meet the three musketeers. Never far from one another, these three have brought incredible joy into my life for 13 years. Charlotte in a flat coated retriever. Midwi the calico and Kari the grey are sisters. There’s a lot of estrogen in this house what with the three girls and myself. You’ll have to ask my hubby about it sometime.
lol
Kate
Rock Talk
While puzzling and often times upsetting, life is never the less interesting. This is the case with a strangers choice to practice rock talk. I have previously posted about finding a couple of these rocks that a stranger had written on and left for someone else to find. What’s developed out of this, leaves my inner child with a sense of whimsy and wonder.
I first came across one of these marvels of kindness when I was walking out on the Spit here in Sooke.
Whiffen Spit as seen from the air. Our little piece of heaven on earth. A breakwater extending 1.1 km out into Sooke inlet protecting the Sooke Basin.
It was during a 24 hour period when Spirit had been trying to get my attention and get the message across to me that music was to play an important part in
my life. I was given the message to use music to manifest my dreams into a reality and then given a second message to utilize music to assist me in healing and visualizing. Right after receiving these two messages I found my first rock on the Spit. It simply said ‘Sing’. I was dumb founded. Here was a rock sitting on a park bench on the Spit with the same message I had received twice before in a 24 hour period. Some kind soul had made a decision to write on a rock and leave it for someone else to find. The message and timing couldn’t have been more perfect and will remain with me as one of life’s magical moments.
Several months later when I was in a very low place in life, feeling depressed, alone and confused about which direction I should take, I went for another walk on the wondrous Spit. There is such a healing energy out there on the breakwater in between the inlet and the strait of Juan de Fuca that I often head out for a walk on the Spit when I need to clear my head, recharge my batteries and connect with nature and Spirit. I’d been so down and felt so lost and this was not a usual head space for me to be in. Once again this stranger who will always hold such a special place in my heart had 
left a rock and embodied the true meaning of random acts of kindness. This time the rock said quite simply ‘Cheer’. It was the message I so desperately needed to hear at that time. A simple act of encouragement to someone who needed it.
I sat there and visualized all of the other people this one stranger had helped through rock talk and a plan began to form. “What if..” my inner child wondered, “what if you took some rocks and wrote messages on them and other people took some rocks and wrote messages on them and all of you randomly left them on the Spit or all over the place?” This was an intriguing idea. “And what if one of these rocks just happened to be picked up by the first person who had started all of this, right when she needed it most? The random act of kindness would have travelled full circle through paying it forward and she’d know she wasn’t alone.” I had assumed it was a she who first left the rocks, forgive me if I’m wrong.
“And what if a whole bunch of people started doing this all over the world, giving messages of hope and kindness to complete strangers, leaving it up to Spirit to lead the person who needed it to the message?” Wow, the thought just boggles the mind. The thought of people helping other people who they don’t know and will probably never meet just because they could was such an emotionally charged thought for me. It kindled a kind of hope for mankind, a renewal of faith in humanities goodness no matter how latent it sometimes appears to be.
So, being who I am and always being one to follow a magical path when I discover it, I began to gather rocks…
I started writing messages on the rocks I collected and leaving them randomly in places around Sooke. All the while feeling like some giant easter bunny and giggling madly to myself. I placed my first set of rocks together with the first two I found and took a picture for you to get an example of what I mean. I may never know the identity of that first speaker of rock talk here in Sooke but I will forever remember their self-less act of kindness and the effect it’s had on my life. Who knows maybe some day they’ll see this and realize just how they’ve changed someone else’s life for the better. Or maybe, just like my inner child day-dreamed, they’ll find their own rock message right when they need it most.
Cheer
Soul Card pulled as Guardian for this post.
The dictionary defines cheer as something that gives joy or gladness; encouragement; comfort: words of cheer
And I certainly needed it today. I’ve been so discouraged lately. I’d been hitting one of those lifetime lows when it seems you just can’t stand up before being knocked down again. You know the kind where it seems one thing after another just keeps coming at you and you don’t really have time to catch your breath?
I’ve been in this head space for a while now and I know the doctor’s solution would be anti-depressants but I also know I needed to find out why. I’m usually pretty good at bouncing back when dealt a raw hand in life but for some reason this time seemed different. I’ve bounced back from some pretty major blows too, my mothers alcoholism and subsequent suicide. Being abused and living on the streets. Having a nerve in my brain die leaving me deaf and unable to walk properly for 6 months. I’d weathered all of this and more and yet it was the cumulative effect of repeated health issues and financial pressures that seem to have been the final straw.
I’d withdrawn and stopped writing. Hell I’d stopped everything and was hiding in my house, hoping if I stayed quiet nothing more would be thrown at me. Life had other plans…
My husband commented last night on how amazed he was that something like a low serotonin level could effect us so deeply. He’d suffered a breakdown earlier this year and was diagnosed with clinical depression. The drugs seemed to be helping him to a certain degree but the issues that created the breakdown were still in place. This was one of the things that caused me to take a look at my own round with what appeared to be depression.
We went for a walk on the spit and headed for the second bench for a breather. I was delighted to find that the same person who had left a rock with the Sing ! message several months earlier had left another blessing. Sitting on the bench was a rock with the word Cheer written in the same hand.
Some sweet soul was actively living the path of random acts of kindness by leaving these messages of Spirit. I don’t believe in coincidence and for all the times my husband and I have walked on the Spit this was only the second time I had seen one of these and both times it was exactly what I needed.
I had to stop and think about what a wonderful thing this was. Here was some stranger, walking on the Spit with hundreds of others and randomly picking up rocks and writing on them with a magic marker then placing them on a bench where they were sure to be found. How many other messages had they left that had been found by someone just when they needed them? I started thinking what would happen if others took up this language of stone and started leaving messages of their own? Would the originator find a message from someone else right when they needed to?
I went home last night and fell asleep with thoughts of my emotional healing. I was granted a dream, a teaching dream in fact. In this dream I was black and it was at least a couple of centuries ago. I was a prostitute working for an older black woman, neither of us wanted to be where we were, living the life we were living, but our financial situation and social conditioning of the times would allow for nothing else.
In the dream a patron arrived who appeared to be special somehow. He was different. He spoke to me like I was a human being and he showed me gifts he had purchased his loved ones, the ones who were special in his life. I dared to hope he thought me special enough to have boughten me one to. Then I had a thought of how hopeless that line of thinking was, I was only a whore. No one cared for me and it was a waste of time to get my hopes up like that only to have them dashed to the floor. I was devastated and heartbroken.
As he continued talking he approached me with kindness and compassion handing me a gift of my own. It was a charm of a woman sitting in the moon and it was beautiful. I was so moved that someone would care for me in any way shape or form that the damn that had been sitting in my heart, burst open. He placed his hand on my head and asked me what I really wanted in life. My answer came through my tears. I just want to write. I cried so hard in the dream that I woke myself up physically crying in reality.
I was stunned and deeply moved by this experience. I had been graced with a double lesson from Spirit. The first one showing 
me how deeply my self-worth issues ran and the second one showing me my heart’s desire. I sat with this knowledge today, crying off and on as I continued to release the feelings of hopelessness I didn’t realize I’d been carrying. I asked the Angels for further help in healing this issue. I pulled Lugh from the Ascended Masters oracle by who else… Doreen Virtue.
The message read ” Through persistent action and positive thinking, your dreams are manifesting into form. This is a time for you to stay persistent. Give any discouragement to Lugh and the angels, who will buoy your faith and give you signs of your progress. You’re almost there, so keep going. It may help to break large projects into smaller steps so that you’ll feel the thrill of accomplishment with each step that you take. Persistence pays off. Stick with it.”
Well that certainly addressed a fair bit of what I’d been feeling. And I appreciated the encouragement the message gave me. Interesting we’re right back to the meaning of cheer again aren’t we? I then decided to go to my Self-care deck, deeming it appropriate at this point in time. The deck was put out by Cheryl Richardson and the artwork on the cards was simply 
amazing. I love the fact that Cheryl allows you to send a self-care card as a free e-greeting to friends and family. I pulled the card Patience and the message was a simple one. “Be patient. Be willing to pass up good for great.”
I’d been contemplating writing anything for anyone just to get my writing out there. Each time I went to do it, something made me pause. There was a deep reluctance within me to write about inconsequential things and stuff I didn’t care about. I wrote from the heart and had one of my clients tell me I write like I talk. She said this made my writing very clear to her and she could hear me when she read my words. This meant something to me. This was exactly what I’d been trying to accomplish, writing from the heart, writing from Spirit. I didn’t want to write about a sale on winnebagos I wanted to write about life !
I proceeded to pick up the little deck that I’ve had for a long time by Louise Hay. It was the Power Thought Deck and the messages had been zinging me with their accuracy and directness for years. As appropriate as they’ve always been, I pulled the card, I am willing to forgive. 
The message on the back reads ” Forgiveness of myself and others releases me from the past. Forgiveness is the answer to almost every problem. Forgiveness is a gift to myself. I forgive and I set myself free.” Holy cow! Well I certainly needed to be reminded of that. Between being depressed and feeling like my new patron Goddess was Kali I had been very down on myself. The hormonal shifting that was being brought on by my medication for poly-cystic ovarian disease and by being peri-menopausal had me feeling like I was embodying the destroyer Goddess on a daily basis. I’d been beating myself up for being such a bitch lately and my hubby had been paying the price.
I next approached the Wisdom of Avalon Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid and drew the card The 
Bee. This message was a pleasant surprise and I welcomed it. “When the Bee buzzes onto your path, it’s a reminder that with hard work and a firm commitment to building your dream, a sweet outcome is assured. The Bee is a symbol of luck, so expect miracles and your life will be victorious and sweet. Remember that you also create your own luck. That is, effort is essential as you progress along your path in order to make your dreams a reality. The Bee is an industrious, busy creature that’s always making honey. The Bee ‘gets busy’ and that honey will soon be yours. The Bee is always a fortunate omen.
I decided to continue along the path of choosing from decks I hadn’t touched for a while and I went to the Inner Child cards by Isha and Mark Lerner. They also allow you to pull a free card online. Pulling the 9 of wands from this deck I received the guidance that “There are times in life when we are shown the gateway to new awareness that is beyond our current boundaries or resistance. This new awareness offers another view of the world that can recapture, or open us to, the magical garden of wisdom that lives within us. It is there that we may learn to master our abilities and gifts.
When the fairy on this card is ready to open the garden gate, she will discover a world of
herbs, flowers, and trees that await her arrival. They will revitalize and heal her. There is an
abundance of energy available to her. The butterflies on the gatepost are the aspects of her soul that are ready for metamorphosis. She hears the garden calling, and so she peeks.
This is a wondrous time in your life when you may be exploring the secret passages of your spirit or completing an important
evolutionary cycle. There is a rich and flowering place within you. you must journey there. Close your eyes and envision yourself entering the colorful and fragrant gardens of your mind and heart.”
Whew! I definitely needed to recapture my awareness and view of that magical garden within. I had been languishing in my little room and had cast aside all my Spiritual practices of daily meditation and conversation with my Angels, Guides and Guardians. I’d forgotten to ask for help and ended up sitting on the fence not moving forward or back.
I then went to the Mayan Oracle by Ariel Spilsbury and Michael Bryner. I hadn’t worked with this deck for a very long time and it’s wisdom was wondrous. I drew the card Manik and was once again faced with a gateway. “Manik offers you a gateway. Will you step through? Open to this opportunity. Examine what asks for completion in your life. Within completion there is a natural flow toward the new. Be like water. With fluidity, move through the gateway that open for you. Manik is there, awaiting you.
In receiving Manik, you would be served by looking at how you identify yourself with your belief systems, definitions, roles, ideals, and dreams. Note what these identifications draw into your life. As you open to growth, set aside your usual framework and respond differently. Shifting perspectives creates new openings. Watch for the completions and new gateways being presented to you now.
Manik is associated with opening to receive spiritual tools. You have specific gifts and talents to claim. Through these tools, you are offered a way to interact with others and with your life process. Open fully. A feast of gifts and tools is spread before you to
satisfy your spiritual hunger.
With Manik, Spirit steps in to set the stage for an initiation, a rite of passage. Watch for the emergence of this initiatory gate. Are you feeling distracted or experiencing resistance to growth? Bring awareness to any dilemma or apparent obstacle in your life. An unusual access is being offered to unlock your potentials, gifts and tools. Enter into the emerging gateway. “
After reading this I realize I had stopped doing readings again for both myself and other people. I had stopped them when I stopped writing and they were right, by sharing my self readings I had been told I brought clarity to other people who were going through the same things I was. I had a friend share that she had been secretly reading all my posts but had been hesitant to comment. I was getting this from several people and realized I had no idea how many people were actually reading these, hiding in the shadows. Imagine my surprise when I heard this. I was beginning to think I was just a voice in the darkness. Turns out the darkness was my own shadow.
I think I’ll go for a walk on the spit tonight and maybe write on a rock…
-
Fabulous Photo
